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  • Writer's pictureErisa Lewis

Train Up A Child

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

The bible says children are a blessing from God. I believe that, but I also understand that raising kids is NO EASY TASK!

When we were kids we couldn't tell our parents how to raise us, it was strictly up to them on how they thought we would turn out best under their direction since God gave us to THEM and we were their responsibility. Today I see why it's important to give your best efforts into parenting and also let God help you in raising your kids with sound direction.

In my personal experience, I know that all kids are NOT created equal. Some children are easy to lead and others are born so rebellious that you feel like flying them back to heaven to see the God that sent them to you.

You can raise all of your kids in the same house and with the same direction as a parent and they will all turn out different or receive your parental direction and authority in a different manner.

One of my kids came to this earth so rebellious and when I realized how much work I had cut out for me I became discouraged as a mother. God already knew the path I had in front of me with this child because He gave me a vision about this child while he was in my womb.

I always had a connection with God in the spirit, so I knew what God was showing me was going to be true and manifested. I just had be prepared for the roller coaster ride.

After my son was born and I saw how he was developing his little personality, I saw what God was preparing me for.

Regardless of how much love I gave or time, or patience, or understanding, or spankings, or time-outs etc... I still ended up throwing my hands up in frustration telling God, "HELP ME, PLEASE"!

He just had the strongest will I have ever seen in a young person. He was smart and determined and God had to show me how to trust this child's confidence.

Being a strong-willed parent as well, we did bang heads most times until I saw that I was losing him and vexing his spirit, so I had some pride to swallow and figure out what I needed to do to balance out my parenting him and shaping him in the right direction without breaking him as a male growing into a man.

This was important to me because we are losing our boys and the men aren't stepping up to help us with these young babies that will soon be grown men.

I'm divorced from his dad and he was active in our son's life but he could have put more effort into these hard times with me. I felt ambushed with all the rebellious activity coming in my direction to deal with alone.

I decided that in order for me to keep this child on the right path to save him from becoming another statistic in black male America, I had to keep fighting this fight and I had NO REST in sight. I was determined to successfully raise this child regardless of his strong will against authority. Trust me when I say that school years were so tiresome for me.

I had to focus on LEARNING the personality of my child and try to figure out WHY? or WHEN? he chooses to go against the flow.

What I saw was that he didn't like to feel like he was incapable or incompetent. He wanted to prove he could do things by himself, he didn't like to be treated like a baby or over mothered. He had an independent personality and he had a creative mind. He was very curious about things and he was always an active child that loved to be outside and unlimited.

I had to keep him in sports or other activities that included running around or activities that included groups of friends.

I began to see why God wanted me to be diligent with this child and I let go of my pride of feeling like I had all the answers concerning this child of mine. I let go and let God help me raise him. I stayed on my knees praying for God's direction and I had to actually follow through with the direction God did give me or my other attempts would fail.

I gave my child back to God when he was 10 years old. before he became a teenager. I knew if I didn't grasp him early then I would have a harder time shaping him in his teens.

I had to let him see the error of his ways and reap the consequences of his behavior. If he got in trouble at school he had to deal with school consequences. If he violated a rule I gave him, then he had punishment consequences. If I needed him to do chores and he didn't get them done, then he had more chores added and a time limit to get it done or I would ground him from the things he liked to pass his time with for the day.

You have to discipline your kids. The reason is because a child must have guidance. Yes it gets hard and frustrating to have to fight with a child to obey their parents, but they are under your direction and you have to keep them grounded until they grow up and leave home. They don't have to like it, but they need to listen. They will have to listen at school and follow the rules or end up in the system if they don't or worse, the parent gets disciplined by the state if the child is not submitting to school policies. If one child gets a pass, then all of them will want a pass and things will be out of control.

As you already see in the news, there are tragedies happening too often and we are losing our kids. Parents are getting murdered by their kids, child abductions and sex trafficking is rampant, child molestation is breaking the spirit of our kid's future mental health and our girls and boys alike are being violated into this adult world sex practice and they are killing the innocence of our children. Also there are mass shootings and terrorism in schools all across America today. No one is safe anymore and when you go back to investigate why these things happened at school there was always a child with personal issues that were not addressed by the parent or the parent didn't take the time to develop open communication with the child to see what's going on with them or how they could better help their child with whatever they were facing. A child needs a safe place.

A child still needs direction no matter their age. Until they leave home they are a child and they need you in their business, they need your attention, they need your hugs, they need your concern, they still need to be heard, they do have a voice, they need a protector even if they think they can protect themselves, they need a cheerleader parent, they need support and encouragement and most of all they need your love.

Parenting is time consuming but you have to do it. They didn't ask to come here and you brought them into this world, so you have do take the reigns.

My son is almost 21 now and I thank God for helping me with him when He did. Now since he is an adult he sees what I have been trying to prepare him for as his parent and why I had to be hard on him with some things. I knew I had to let him make his mistakes and NOT try to fix them for him. He wasn't going to learn how hard life really is if I always tried to save the day or let him do what he wants! It hurts a parent to see their child struggle to relevance, but we have to let them grow up. They will not be effective adults if you always come to their rescue and save them from everything they CHOSE to do. If you keep covering their mistakes they will keep letting you do it and when they are adults they will burden you with the same task of saving them.

I don't have time for that. I want my peace and when it's time for my kids to leave home I want my freedom back.

My son is a man now and if you're making your own choices, then you must deal with your own outcomes. If I'm not there when you make your choices then I don't need to be included in your resolutions. Handle it! I have to get on my knees an talk to God for myself, so you have to do the same. No one came to save me in my troubles, but God, so He is your help too.

I would always tell my kids that I'm not always going to be around you 24/7. There are time when you will be in situations that I am not around to see, especially at school or hanging with friends or other family members. You have to give them boundaries and guidelines.

What are you going to do when you're old and tired? You will make a snare for yourself of always having to help them. You may have to pay their bills or fix their car or get them out of jail for something they CHOSE to do or maybe even raise their kids now because they are too irresponsible to want to do it. It never stops!

Be courageous, be strong, be determined, mean what you say and do it, stand in your authority and lead like you're supposed to, but I always say do it with love.

If a lion came charging at you and it was life or death, then I know you would fight for survival. The same mindset goes with parenting. Kids NEED you to be STRONG! Never show weakness or they will take advantage of you. I swear that when I was a child I knew my parents were in charge, but when you try to get your OWN way you will TEST them. If it works you try it again often, but if you know they love you and they set boundaries and there is a reason they say no, you don't push so hard. You may not like it or the kid may not like it,

but it is what it is. Kids still want to feel like you care about them, so do what you gotta do parent. It's a bluff.

Metaphorically, kids are like a balancing scale. If you give them too much it can backfire and if you give them too little it can also backfire. We have to do the work!

I understand everyone may not have all the skills to raise a child or they may chose to raise them with a different opinion, but at the end of the day it all comes down to how the child turn out as an adult and all I can say is YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW. Sow balance into your children. We only have a short time to influence them until they are making their own life decisions. Changing the world starts at home with you.

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